Friday, November 14, 2008

Just in case you didn't know....I'm Superwoman...

Yes, in case you didn't know it by now...I'm perfect and I do everything right.

I would never stuff food down the drain with my fingers to avoid having to carry the sopping drain guard, filled with food remnants, all the way over to the trash can...


I make time for regular pedicures and would never dream of sporting jagged, unpainted toe nails. I'm a posh mama... (Please do not click photo to enlarge.)



My children are perfectly trained. My toddler would never throw his underwear on the floor and run, naked, around the house all afternoon. It just wouldn't happen...


I would never, ever waste my time sitting on the couch reading simplistic, teenage romance novels, which happen to involve vampires. I would chose classic literature, such as Charles Dicken's "Great Expectations" or Leo Tolstoy's "War and Peace". Who wouldn't?


I would never leave wood chips on the floor by our wood-burning stove for days on end, allowing the twins to crawl through them willy nilly. That would just be wrong.


I would never stuff a random drawer full of objects of whose use I am not aware... No, I would never create a "junk" drawer. Not in MY new home...


I would not ever buy a large amount of fruit, then not make sure to eat all of it before it goes bad, like these over-ripe kiwis and lone key lime...


...and I would certainly never buy spring greens and forget about them in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator while they become slimy and inedible...


I would never allow my children to leave an ice cream bucket filled with and coated with pancake batter and place it in my refrigerator, the pancake batter hardening and chipping onto the immaculate shelves...


I would never allow the 16-year-old boy to play the XBOX on a school night...


One would never find toys scattered all over my new living room floor. I have much too much pride of ownership for that...


Nor would one find me sitting the 9-month-old twins in front of the TV while I blog mop the kitchen floor...


I would never scribble chores for the children to finish on a sheet of typing paper. I would print out a color-coded chore chart complete with rewards and stars...


I certainly wouldn't store a triple stroller by the front door and decide to store in the middle seat a set of pumpkin lights my husband purchased because I didn't know where else to put them...


You would never find open, unsealed bags of cereal carelessly tossed in my cupboards...


...because I invested in a nice cereal dispenser like this one to avoid just such a thing...


I would never get an end table out from storage, bring it into the new home my husband works so hard to provide for us, and leave the dust on it for three days, like this...


Additionally, I would never let dust accumulate on our organ, like this...


I would never invest money into house plants, then put them in a rarely used room and let them die of neglect...


I always empty my dryer's lint trap and would never, ever dream of letting it accumulate like this... that would be a fire hazard...


I make my bed faithfully every morning. One would never, ever come into my bedroom and find something like this...


I have perfect decorating sense and one would never find a furry blanket boasting a fierce animal print like this on my bed... under any circumstance...


I always pair all of the childrens' socks each and every time I do the laundry. Can you imagine someone who would simply pile them all in a basket and let the kids sort them out themselves? I once brought up this option, theoritically, to this friend, and she laughed me to scorn.


I would never leave my stove looking like this overnight. I wouldn't dream of it. How could I sleep? I would have nightmares of cast iron beasts the entire duration of the dark night. I'm certain of it.



Yes, I am Superwoman...

I am pleased to list this post @...
My Charming Kids' "Not Me!" Monday.

This lady is hysterical! You've got to check her out!

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28 comments:

Duke, Kathryn, & Seamus said...

I'm so glad your house looks like mine! I must be superwoman too! :-)

Laurice. said...

I've seen you in action and I am pretty sure you are superwoman!

Socal said...

Thank you so much for this blog post! It was awesome and inspiring. You go girl!!!

RhondaLue said...

Yah me neither! Not ever. teehee

Erika said...

The lone underwear on the tile floor got me! That was such a hoot...

What comforts me when I forget food is the compost bin and my chickens. They are so spoiled they get those items and relish every bite.

Erika

Melinda said...

I agree with Laurice...You are superwoman. I never saw Lynda Carter cleaning her house...heehee I know you Jen and I know this is not the normal scene at your house except maybe Johnny running around naked. If it is..we have way more in common than we think.

~TAMY 3 Sides of Crazy~ said...

Thank you for showing your human side LOL with 9 kids (which does automatically qualify you as superwoman) I EXPECT your house to look like this once in a while. It makes the rest of us feel better.

Dustybug said...

Brilliant.

the singer family said...

You are so stinkin' funny, Jen. I sure do miss you. (and I am hit or miss on making my bed, too, but insist that the kids make theirs daily.)

jayedee said...

oh thank you Lord! i am not alone in my perfection!!!

lonestar818 said...

ROFL - you would never find little boy underwear on the floor at my house either (hehe) :)

rachelle said...

really funny post jen! i agree that 9 kids automatically qualifies you as SM, no matter how many kiwis you have to throw out!

Kristy Howard said...

We're in the middle of remodeling and moving into a "new" home... a task that has defintely turned me into "Super Woman"... glad we're not the only ones at there. ;o)

~Kristy @ Homemakers Cottage

Kari said...

This was a great post. Seems there are alot of things we both would never do. Especially the underwear and naked child thing :) I would never under any circumstances allow this LOL

Martha said...

I've definitely got to make it over here much more often! We are so much alike! Of course I'd never do those things either! Oh the shame and horror! ;-)

newlyweds said...

I'm not buying it, when did I let you in my house to take pictures, lol. You really are superwomen! Don't kid yourself! Ha!

Emily said...

I'm glad you're real, so refreshing to see and read! Then what's my excuse. I only have four kids. How do you manage the socks at your house?

Mom2my9 said...

How do I manage the socks? I put the white socks in a white basket and the colored socks in a red basket and the kids get to worry about it after that. Except for the 2-year-old and twin babies. I still take care of their socks!

Grammy said...

Glad to see you are a real person too. lol. Love the post. you would not want to see my mess.

Lisa Ann said...

You have an award waiting for you at my blog.

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

you crack me up! I'm so glad we found out the "real" you! I still think you are awesome anyway no matter how many of these kinds of pictures you show us!

Kristin said...

jenny, anyone who would post the good, the bad, and a LOT of the ugly about their lives IS superwoman! Great post. BTW, why haven't you been returning my calls? I have a lot to tell you about the bakery business! I'm a millionaire!

Katey said...

we don't have a sock basket either :) nice post

Junita said...

May the Superwomen unite!

Monica @ Paper Bridges said...

oh, this makes me feel better :)

Jeni's thoughts said...

Im glad to see you are human!!

Keyona said...

Were you in my house?? Looks similar. :o)

Elizabeth said...

I am so glad I found you. You make me feel like a normal Mother. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.