What DOESN'T Work For Me Wednesday and Watery Wednesday

Here's what DOESN'T...



...making homemade teething biscuits.


In my ongoing efforts to keep hydrogenated oils away from my children, I have gone the route of attempting to make many items I would normally purchase at the grocery store from scratch. I've had good success at some of my attempts, such as my homemade whole wheat rolls, homemade pancakes, and homemade cookies, but I have apparently come upon something that was destined for failure. I couldn't bear the thought of buying Gerber teething biscuits, as many of their baby food ingredients are some of the poisons from which I am trying to protect my family, such a high fructose corn syrup and partially-hydrogenated oil. I know I probably sound like a nutcase, but after feeding them nothing but breast milk for so long, I simply did not want to pollute their little growing bodies with the filth the passes for food in the United States. Okay, I'll calm down now.

Anyway...I searched for a recipe for homemade teething biscuits and came across one with only four wholesome ingredients. I whipped up a batch, put them in the oven and waited. I had even cut them into fun star shapes, because it was right before Christmas, and if things went well, I was going to package them up in cute bags and give them to Joseph and Hyrum's amigos for Christmas. After I had removed them from the oven and let them cool down, I noticed that they were very hard, but figured hey, they're teething biscuits, they're supposed to be. I enthusiastically handed one to each twin and they proceeded to stare, then throw them on the floor. I followed the three-second rule, picked them up to try to give them to them again, but it was like they didn't even register that it was food. Normally every...single...item... goes into their mouths, but they wouldn't put the cookies near them. I tried a few times again that evening, but to no avail.

The next day, because I'm not one to give up, I decided to make another batch, but this time I would apply a light sugar and egg glaze before baking to give it just enough of a sweet touch for them to want to continue to gnaw on them. The results? Similar to the above description. At least the biscuits ventured into them mouths this time, but they were so hard, the babies had much more fun throwing them onto the slate floor over and over again rather than chewing on them...

The last idea I came up with to try to get them to like these ridiculous biscuits was to let them eat them in the bath. Gross? Perhaps, but, like I said, I'm not one to give up. I figured at least the water would soften them up a little bit. Here's what one looked like directly after giving it to a twin...


Here is Hyrum's enthusiastic expression at the thought of having to try this biscuit yet another time...


(The food on his face is the result of his dinner and has nothing to do with the biscuits.)

And here are the biscuits after twenty minutes in the tub...


Perhaps this gives you a vague idea of how hard these biscuits really were.

Hey...anybody out there have a teething biscuit recipe? Joseph and Hyrum would really like to know. Thanks for listening!

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