(intact Baby Hippo at 3 weeks, dozing on his grandma's shoulder)
I'm going to offend some of you, maybe a lot of you, but I feel compelled to speak on behalf of little boys who can't yet speak for themselves.
My circumcision history: my three oldest boys are circumcised; my four youngest are intact. Looking back, I feel horrible I let myself be so naive about the issue of circumcision. I was young, and not only was I uninformed, I was misinformed.
The official statement from the American Academy of Pediatrics advises against routine circumcision. You can read their statement HERE.
If you are expecting a baby boy, please consider a few things...
Circumcision is the amputation of an important and sensitive organ called the prepuce, which serves many functions. You can read about its purpose at THIS website.
Circumcision is an amputation performed without anesthesia, causing the newborn excruciating pain and psychological suffering. Sometimes newborns even lose consciousness because of the pain, which would be blissful relief. Parents are not allowed into the room to comfort their baby during the circumcision, where the newborn is immobilized on a sterile table, most likely because they would not be able to endure the emotional trauma of hearing their infant's screams. I remember after delivering my third son asking an intern if I could be present to comfort my baby during his circumcision. He nearly laughed me off, as if I had asked him the most ridiculous question. He gave my baby back to me having botched the circumcision, as, being a new intern, he had performed very few. My son had to endure the agonizing pain of having one of the most sensitive parts of his body amputated without anesthesia, but he still looked like an uncircumcised male.
Which brings me to my next point. Many parents argue that their babies need to be cut so they can look like their fathers. This is the same reasoning for continuing female circumcision in many parts of the world. Many of you already are aware of the horrors of female circumcision, so I won't go into it here, but this is not a sound reason to cause your baby such pain during his first hours, days, and weeks of life. If you think about it, a little boy's genitals never looks like his father's. His are much smaller, and hairless, and by the time they may compare in size and development, fathers and sons probably aren't standing in the shower comparing too often.
Having the foreskin amputated is not only excruciating during the procedure, the recovery process takes many days, if not weeks. Think about a surgical cut you may have had to endure (under anesthesia, of course). How long did it take before you didn't experience pain related to the surgery? When I was given a routine episiotomy, my wound did not completely heal for three weeks. Is this how we want our precious, perfect baby boys to start out their new lives?
I know I have been graphic in this post, but I think it's important to say it how it is when it comes to cutting our boys in their first moments of life. If you are considering circumcision, I beg of you to just please do some research and discover if it's really worth it. And I haven't even brought up the subject of increased sexual satisfaction to both male and female when the penis is left intact. For a plethora of information on this subject, a wonderful site to visit is Peaceful Parenting.
As far as our four uncircumcised sons are concerned, we have never had ONE problem related to having left them intact. We give their foreskins no special care, and they keep them as clean as you can imagine very young boys would, but still, never has there been even one issue between the four of them.
Please don't be afraid to share your thoughts in the comment section. I'd love to get a discussion started regarding this important topic.
For those of you who are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and have been suggested to that circumcision is Biblical, please remember the words of Mormon in a letter to his son, Moroni....
In Moroni 8:8 of The Book of Mormon, Christ, following his death and resurrection, is quoted speaking to the people of the western hemisphere, the Nephites and Lamanites. He says, "Listen to the words of Christ, your Redeemer, your Lord and your God. Behold, I came into the world not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance; the whole need no physician, but they that are sick; wherefore, little children are whole, for they are not capable of committing sin; wherefore the curse of Adam is taken from them in me, that it hath no power over them; and the law of circumcision is done away in me.ʺ
(intact Baby Hippo in his blessing gown at 5 weeks old)
Thanks for listening.
Addendum: I was just introduced to a site call Intact America. There is a convincing video by Dr. Dean Edell at the bottom of the home page that is worth watching. However, I fast-forwarded through the actual circumcision procedure. Go HERE.
41 comments:
we went no circ too. we felt it was the boys decision to alter the body he had been given, not our decision.
When I was very small, I asked my mom what circumcision was. She explained and I remember saying, "That's so MEAN!" And I still think so. Fortunately, my boys were born in Guatemala where it isn't a normal procedure, but even so, I would never have done anything to hurt them just for vanity, which it basically is when you look at all the facts.
Thanks for posting your touching story a time when the issue is becoming more contentious than ever.
thanks jen. i don't have any boys, but if i ever do, i will NOT be getting them circumsized. of course i decided that long ago, but now i know for sure that i don't want to do that.
Couldn't agree with you more. It's just too painful to even imagine what a little baby has to go through in the circumcision procedure/torture. I didn't know the procedure is performed without anesthesia until now. Thanks for sharing such detail information and research.
This is the most non-offensive opinion I have read on this subject. I appreciate your effort. My husband and I had read so many articles and asked so many people about their opinions on circumcision, I was so confused. I had to leave the decision to him because I was literally stuck in the middle. He was unsure but he chose to do it because he is, unsimilar to the "look like daddy" concept, it was more "this is what I know." My boys were in the NICU for almost two weeks, we took them to their pediatrician at about 3-4 weeks old and my husband stayed in the room. They didn't cry very much, I could even hear them in the tiny office building. They brought twin A to me when he was finished and I fed him and comforted him. Then daddy came out with twin B and I fed and comforted him while daddy continued to comfort twin A. They seemed fully healed in a weekend. The only down side I've experienced was twin B's foreskin is still kind of there, like the doctor was only able to get half of it. I guess I'm saying I was so overly informed I got confused and was unable to make a decision. But again, thank you for the non-offensive post. Love you, hope your well.
Thanks for this, when we were having our first boy we researched and found all this same information and decided not to do it. We got a lot of grief from parents who didn't agree, at which I was surprised at how uninformed they were. I think it is best to research and know the facts first and then make the decision.
I couldn't agree more! Amen, Jen!!
Good for you! We have 5 boys (all still intact) and we initially did it because my husband is uncircumcised and we wanted the boys to be like their daddy! But the more I learn, the better I feel about our decision, and I'm thankful that we really felt like we had no decision to make in the first place and never made a mistake we might regret! Awesome post!
You said it perfectly! My first boy was circ'd because I was uninformed. But, my other 5 boys are intact. Both sets of parents/in-laws did not like it and gave same reasons as yours. My boys do not think it is odd that they do not look like dad or big brother nor does it ever come up in conversation!
And you are right that as a Christian it is no longer necessary. That was the old covenant.
well said! Great post!
Good points. We chose not to circumcise our sons because we really couldn't come up with any particularly valid reason to do it.
Helps them stay cleaner? Yeah, but they can learn to keep clean anyway, we don't cut off body parts just for that.
Look just like dad? We thought of that too, but again, that's just a single explanation away from resolving adequately if it even ever came up. So not really a big reason there.
Look just like their peers? Back when I was born, the circumcision rate was near 100% and so routine it was hardly even questioned. Today, though, so many go without that procedure that they're likely to look like their peers either way. And why is that so important anyway?
It's not the end of the world for them if it's done, they can lead happy healthy lives and all, but
if you don't have a serious medical or religious reason for it, why put them through something like that?
I don't agree. They are linking uncircumsized males with cervical cancer in women (most relatiionships are not monagomous). It is not a barbaric form of torture. Local anestetic is used. I would think of the pain of your skull restructuring through the birth canal would be more painful. Every baby either comes out blue or screaming their heads off! and I won't have a c-section to prevent it. (i'm feeling pretty clever with that analogy) Last of all I don't ever want to think of my son having sex, but sexual gratification is really within the marriage and can't be measured by anyone else:)
We circumcised my son, because at the time we felt it was the right thing to do. I have mixed feelings about it now, and i'm not sure if i would do it again if i were to have another boy. YOu brought up some good points. However, one thing i think you have wrong is the part about not using anesthesia. Lincoln received 3 different numbing shots all around the area... Sure, he let out a squeal for 2-3 seconds from the initial poke of the needle, but afterwards he was totally calm and didn't scream or anything during the procedure so i know the shots worked wonders. A couple of other friends of mine took their baby boys to the same clinic and they all said the same thing.
I respect your thoughts and comments, however different from mine they are. This is sure a sensitive subject! I am pursuing a nursing degree, and after completing my CNA class where this subject was discussed, I am really glad that I DID choose to have both of my sons circumcised. Sure, you won't see many young "intact" babies/toddlers with problems, but it is commonly seen in the healthcare field with young adolescent boys and men. One of my instructors knew of TWO MEN who had to have their penis' amputated because of infections related to poor hygiene. Yes, that's extreme, but it is something to consider. I, too, am LDS and know that it's not done as a religious belief (to clear up any confusion from non-LDS readers). This same instructor that I speak of assisted with thousands of circumcisions in the hospital, and said that when done properly, the baby feels little or no pain. As for the reasoning of not allowing mothers to attend the procedure: how is this any different from any other surgical procedure? I wasn't allowed to be in the room when my children had their tonsils removed recently, though I badly wanted to comfort them. Not only are they trying to keep hospital-aquired infections from occuring, it is very difficut to witness a loved-one being operated on.
Anyway, I love your blog and respect your opinion. We can agree to disagree. :)
Wait, it hadn't occurred to me that someone might think it's an LDS religious thing. Do people really believe that?
This was interesting to read and I like the gentle way in which you presented the material. I lean more towards circumcision, but just in the fact that you presented the material so gently, my feelings easily went from STRONGLY pro-circumcision and I don't want to even discuss it, to, sure, I'll watch that, and sure, I'll read that too. No problem. That's a HUGE change for me.
Dr. Dean Edell is a radio host I sort of "grew up" listening to. He was on the air at least when I was in high school 15 years ago and my dad listened to him regularly and still does. He's someone I trust more than not.
That said, I have had extremely negative experiences with uncircumcised babies and boys. I have known no less than FIVE little boys/young men who had to be circumcised at an older age, which was EXTREMELY traumatic, painful, and the recovering process just awful. One was a full grown adult who had some problems I don't know too much about but it was medically necessary. He was aid up for SIX WEEKS. The next was a friend's son, who had to have it done when he was 13 because the skin grew over the head and had attached itself to the sides, rather than being loose, causing pain and an extreme curvature to one side. He, too had to have it done. They tried to leave as much skin as possible, but because of how the skin had attached itself, there wasn't much. It was major surgery, and by his mom's description, awful and extremely embarrassing. He was in 7th grade...
The next three were all toddlers, kindergarteners or preschool age and all had the same issue. Something about "not being a straight shooter" and the urethra- I'm sure that's not the correct anatomical word, but you know, where things come out, was on the underside- it was in the wrong place and then the skin was attached up the sides of the... well... shaft. Sorry for my language. Basically with all three little boys, everything looked kind of funny, nothing came out where it was supposed to, and it would interfere with their ability to urinate and have children. The process was horrible for all of them, because they were older.
With each family, after going through the horror of an adult, teenage or elementary school age circumcision, they ALL universally elected to circumcise the boys they had after. (And all of them ended up having more sons)
Having been emotional support for all these women during these issues left quite the impression.
That was supposed to say, "he was LAID up for 6 weeks"
It's not without risk either way. A circumcision later in life, from what I gather, is awful, but I suppose so are the recovery experiences from lots of surgeries, and there are some things that go wrong for which circumcision is a solution to attempt. I wold guess, though, that over all of human history the number of uncircumcised males who get through life just fine is vastly larger than those who end up suffering from a medical problem concerning their foreskin.
On the other hand, there are lots of cases where the person performing the circumcision made a horrific (or even minor) mistake and left the patient with a problem to deal with the rest of his life, too.
Lots of room for preferences on either side, arguments either way, but neither is 100% free of trouble.
Isn't parenting fun? :(
You are a brave women to take on this subject, but I'm glad you did. People need to be more educated on circumcision. I'm so grateful I decided not to circumcise any of my sons!
I wasn't sure about circ'ing my sons when they were born. I always leaned towards the procedure...because that's what was appropriate. I did do research. After discussing it with my husband we decided, yes. Also, one of my siblings works at a hospital, scheduling surgeries. She has to schedule a lot of OLDER MALE circumcisions. And even amputations. A circ that is performed with local anesthesia {they are given something. I don't know any Drs that would perform this with nothing, so I'm not sure where you got that info}versus having my sons penis amputated much later in life?
That sealed the deal for me.
To each their own.
Since no one else has, I'll go with the really sensitive topic and touch on the sexual aspect of this. I have been married twice, once to a non-circumcised man and currently to a circumcised man. Bottom line is, its not what ya got, its what you do with it. For me, circumcised sex is hands down better. But again, its not the organ, its the man. If it was in reference to the man's pleasure, I think my circumcised husband enjoys it more than my uncircumcised ex-husband did. (But that could have just been me!)
I work in labor and delivery as an RN and somtimes float to post-partum. We welcome parents, moms & dads, into the small procedure room when their infant son is circumsized. Having watched many, many of these procedures through the last 12 years, the baby has more trouble with having their legs secured to the board they lay on then the actual procedure. Also, there is anesthetic used, it's a local, like the dentist uses when placing a filling. FYI
Hi, I did opt for circumcision with my three sons. I don't necessarily see the point in it really, however, I left the decision up to my husband and it was done. For the first two experiences I was not present but I was always reassured that freezing was used prior to the procedure and I believe it was because I never heard any crying. In fact when I witnessed the procedure done on my third son he didn't bat an eye when it was being done and freezing was used. However, I thought that I was going to pass out because when I saw the foreskin being cut it looked painful. But everything was fine.
This is Cade and normally I joke but this is ridiculous. This is akin to saying a baby is traumatized for life by a bump on the head. It's cleaner and it's normal ( to be circumcised) And Jen if this is what's keepingbyou up at night you should really try doing some more productive things. I watched my boys being citcumsized and it was no big deal at all. Definitely not near as traumatic as the birth. And for the record I would never NOT circumcise my boys. I surely am not scarred for life and "traumatized" and I know men who have gotten circumcised as adults because they couldn't stand not being circumcised. Sorry Jen you know I love ya but this was a pretty ridiculous post. And it's really Not that big of a deal so get some sleep.
My point was that in the hundreds (thousands?) of men I have known in my life, and in my time as a preschool & nursery school teacher, to dozens and dozens of kids I have yet to hear personally about a botched circumcision. (And it's pretty openly discussed when you're the one changing diapers, potty training the kids and such.) I have read about a few online, and I read about the famous case of the twin boys in the 60's or 70's where they tried to use a laser to do one, basically destroyed one boy's anatomy and raised him as a SHE as a solution.
Of all these interactions, I'm still waiting to personally hear about a botched procedure. Probably because they happen so rarely because the procedure is SO COMMON.
What I have heard about is medically necessary circumcision in older males, which could have been prevented had it been done when they were a child.
Touching on the sexual thing, since that's been brought up now, there can be alot of hyper sensitivity in a "turtlenecked" man, versus someone with a "crewneck," resulting in a quicker finish, or less things you are able to do or stimulation you are able to apply because it will be over before you get started, which can be frustrating. I have a girlfriend who has dated men on both sides of the fence, and was in a long term relationship with a man with a turtleneck... She was often frustrated as much of their activity either ended too quickly or centered around ensuring it didn't end too quickly- lots of stopping and starting. Which didn't leave much time or room for her or her pleasure. When it's in that protected state like that, it's more sensitive, which is great, but... then it's more sensitive and overwhelmed by any stimulation at all. She now personally prefers men with a crewneck, although she would never actually tell them that. It seems to be a universal feeling of all of my girlfriends, with the exception of one, who is extremely anti-circumcision and would never say one way or another. She thinks it's barbaric, so if you bring it up at all, ever, under any context, a news story, for instance, her head explodes with fury. :) lol
We have three boys and chose not to circumcise them. One question though. Our oldest is not 5 and our pediatrician has said to try to routinely try to retract the foreskin. From what I have read, that isn't necessary - but wondered what other thoughts and experience is with this.
Also - do you bring up the "look different" talk with them before they ask - or wait for them to initiate it?
Anonymous, regarding your question about retracting the foreskin to clean it, the research I have done does not support this. The motto is "clean what can be seen", and no more. If the boy wants to retract it himself, he is really the only person who should do it. Routinely retracting an infants foreskin can cause pain, detachment and scarring and problems could result later on. We do not retract our boys' foreskin.
About looking different, someone made a really good point in saying that with so many boys being left intact now, your boys are probably going to look like over 50% of their peers, if, indeed, they start comparing their genitals.
I plan on responding to many of your comments in a subsequent post, so your patience is appreciated. :)
Both of my boys were "cut"...because I thought they had to be.
My sister's boys are "intact".
My brother's have all been "cut" Though, my dad was in his late 40's when he had to have his forskin removed. His healing time was long and was prone to infection.
I find it intresting that more and more moms and dads choose not to have their son's circumised.
Looking back... I do not know if I would have had my boys "cut".
Jen,
Your post was very interesting. You do realize that making a decision not to "cut" your younger boys, is no different than making the decision to "cut" your older boys......both decisions were made by you.
Making decisions on the behalf of our children is not easy ever. Even a simple little thing as choosing their names for them at birth, can cause anger and regret to some later in life. I know lot's who hated the name that was chosen for them. Albeit, that is something that can easily be changed later on when older.
However, my point is, that every parent should pray with all their hearts as to the RIGHT choice for their child(ren). It won't be easy, but sometimes the right choice isn't what we think it should be. But we should also respect each other's choices. I have 3 sons. All three were given circs at birth. So far they were pleased with my choice. Although, the third son was born with a abnormality and a circ had to be done at the same time a surgery was given to fix the abnormality. All three times the boys were under anesthetic. Times have changed. Some articles we read are really old on the subject. The procedures have changed a lot! And this is not something new. My sons are in their 20's.
I too am LDS, but I have never heard of it being an LDS religious thing. That never crossed my mind in my decisions regarding this subject.
My mom was a nurse in an ER for years. She told us so many times of grown men coming in for circs due to the fact, that they had constant infections, and some couldn't perform in their marriage due to not being able to have a full extended erection. And this was not just a handful of men.
These men were angry, embarrassed, and disgusted that this could of been avoided by just having it done at birth. They had to go through a lot worse trauma -- harder and longer to heal when no longer an infant.....and more prone to complications-- As well as counseling due to the mental and emotional state that comes with all of that.
But once again. How does a parent know what will happen later on in life. It's hard to know.
I'm just saying.....We have to be prepared for some heated discussions from not only the sons who may have wished they were still intact, but from the sons, who wished they weren't. It's not all black and white.
My boys are circumsized. But both were done with anesthsia. Both a topical and a local and neither boy let out even a peep of a cry. They really didn't feel a thing. They are 3 & 5. My oldest got a very generous circ. It left a good deal of foreskin. It has been a problem. Here's why....my oldest son has sensory processing disorder. One of his sensory issues is that he cannot stand to have anyone, including himself, touch his penis. Redacting the foreskin and cleaning has been a trauma inducing fight since infancy. We have struggles with constant adhesions that have caused pain and constant infections. Treating the infections with creams has been a nightmare as a result of his sensory issues.
My youngest doesn't have sensory issues, he had a much less generous circ and has never had an adhesion or infection.
If I had it to do again, I would ask for a better circ on my oldest. I think it would have prevented a lot of pain for him later on.
Great post! I am so glad we decided against it for our sons. I don't think I would have if we hadn't gone to Bradley childbirth classes and learned more about it. I was totally ignorant before.
I admire you so much for blogging about issues you feel strongly about, even if they are sensitive. Drew & I have long agreed that we definitely won't circumcise when/if we have kids. We feel really strongly about it too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences :)
Hey guys, if you're posting your comment anonymously, and it doesn't get added, it's probably because it's being marked as spam, especially if your comment is a lengthy one. However, the comments do get to my email. I'm reading them and appreciate the effort and thought that have gone into the writings. Thank you!
I'm LDS and here in the UK babies are not circumcised. I have 3 boys who are intact (as most boys here are) and was told not to retract the foreskin to clean it until they are old enough and it is loose enough to gently push it back and clean it in the bath or shower. If older boys or men are getting infections due to poor hygiene, maybe the focus should be on educating them in cleanliness. It used to be common practice here to remove tonsils after a couple of tonsil infections but now they're saying it's a last resort. I knew a 13 year old who had to be circumcised because of continuing problems and he said the only problem was that he was just learning to control his errections and sometimes the nurses changing the dressing would get a surprise. Which caused embarrasment but no lasting damage. I think justifying it by saying that a few people have had to have amputations is like saying that all women should have a double mastectomy to prevent breast cancer. Sorry but I don't like it.
Fear and dominance surround the issue of Circumcision.
Media and the medical community drive the fear for and
against the procedure. Friends and family drive the dominance
in a quest to shame parents to one side or the other. You can
find many horrific and shocking pictures on the internet showing
a baby being circumcised, and you can find just as many horrific
and shocking pictures of intact males suffering a lifetime from
foreskin infections and complications. The pictures and videos
are the rare and extreme complications presented by domineering
individuals representing both sides of this sensitive issue.
Current world statistic represent only new born circumsicion and
do not include circumcision from: male right-of-passage ceremonies,
religious custom later in life, and medical necessity. Considering
all causes of circumcision, the world rate is about 50/50.
The argument about reducing sexual stimulus if you circumcise is FALSE.
As an Intact male and later circumcised, I can attest that the male organ
is much more sensitive without the foreskin. Not dealing with infections,
retracting foreskin, and Smegma is a blessing.
My point is your blog readers respect your decision to keep the 4 younger
boys intact. Your older boys were circumcised and at the time it was the
right decision - times and feelings change. As parents we constantly make
irreversible decisions for our children. This is piece of skin that is barely
the size of a large hangnail at birth is just not worth all this attention.
This pales in contrast to childhood vaccines. Have you read the hazard
warnings on the medical consent forms you sign? Infection, seizures, autism, and
DEATH. Parents routinely sign permission for these irreversible injections
of diseases into a childs body. Review the complication rates from vaccines
and compare to complications of intact/circumcised. You need to focus you
attention on something worthy of your time, stop lamenting over past
decisions, and respect parents that choose to circumcise. We are just as
informed and educated about the procedure, so stop trying to strong-arm
your readers to your way of thinking.
We really enjoy your blog and sharing your family experiences, but I have
concerns with a mother so focused on circumcision, yet endangers her
young children by putting them in the back of a pickup truck and then
attempting to drive across a river too deep for a vehicle to cross. After being
warned the river was too deep by multiple people, you still permitted the
Bishop to attempt the crossing with your children and other ward member's
children. The water was over the hood and the truck started to float sideways.
Seems you were unaware or unconcerned about the very dangerous situation you
exposed yourself and all the children to. Had the truck over turned in the water
would the intact boys experience a better death than the circumcsised? Patenting
is all about priorities.
Perhaps you should focus your attention on a more immediate need such as SAFETY.
Start a water safety education program in your ward; volunteer as the ward
safety director; do something worthy of your time that will prevent
avoidable accidents and deaths.
I am not sure what my opinion is on circumcision. I have two girls and haven't had to deal with this yet. However, one of the commenters said she had never heard of a botched circumcision. My sister has two young boys and both of them had botched circs. Now that the laws have changed, and OB's are allowed to perform them, this is becoming more of a problem. I know at least a handful of people with children that had botched circs. Some of them have had to have them fixed and the others will just have to live with the problem unless it gets worse.
I have never commented (I think) on your blog before. I love your blog! I agree with you. What a hard topic. I had my boys circ. only because my little brother and a nephew had to be circ at 2-3 years for medical reasons. I wanted to avoid that. I think if I had my boys now I would not. i think being older and more informed we do see things different. I think you have a beautiful family. I also have a bigger family, I did stop at 7 and sometimes wish I has more. I am very excited to be having my first 2 grand-babies soon.
You need a little correction here. Doctors do numb the area during circumcision and I was allowed in the room, AND
I completely agree with you. We had 3 sons. I took the first one, dutifully, to be circumcised. I was SO worried. The pediatrician came out and said, "I can go ahead and do this if you want, but I don't think he needs it. His foreskin is very short." YES!!!! Thank you!!! So, I grabbed my precious baby (who is now 39) and went home. Then, of course, we did not have the others circumcised either. I was lucky. Back then there was no internet or anything to read available on the subject. I just followed my heart, most of the time. The times I didn't, well... I still have regrets, but that is part of life and learning. Good for you!
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