Tuesday, June 26, 2012

From My Heart

I've been gone a long time. I know. And some of you have sent heart-felt emails and comments to my blog saying you've missed me and asking if anything is wrong. Your sentiments have meant a lot to me, sometimes even bringing me to tears. But it was tonight's email in my inbox that spurred me to action. There was nothing written in the body, just the following in the subject line...

"Your blog readers need closure"

I was shocked. During the last few months of writing my blog, the comments had begun to dwindle so much, that I thought few people read or cared about what I wrote, but when readers and friends started making comments expressing that I was missed, I realized there were people who cared. But when I received tonight's email, I finally realized that I was actually doing a disservice to those who have been my faithful readers for nearly four years by simply abandoning them. And I owe them more. I owe you more. I owe you for all of the times you visited and read and commented and even clicked on ads, thus helping to support my family as I wrote. So I will explain.

I believe what many have come to enjoy about my blog is the fact that I write with such openness. I share my feelings, my flaws, my failures and also my successes. However, I have been going through some things that I can share with very few people. As a very dear friend observed, when someone writes from the heart, but can share nothing that is in her heart, she has nothing to write. I've feebly tried to put up pictures and recipes, but, simply put, sharing with the world isn't where my heart is right now. And I haven't written all of this before because 1.) It's really personal to say I have problems I can't talk about, even if I don't say what the problems are, and 2.) I was sure I would feel like getting back to blogging any time now. And I still plan on it. I just don't know when. But hang in there, and don't give up on me. :)

To give you an idea what I've been doing the past few months, for one, I've been taking pictures. Mostly sports photography, which progressed to my becoming the unofficial photographer of our local pro basketball team. I loved that because I met so many local people I would have never gotten to know, and made tons of friends with whom I continue to have a close relationship. Plus the fact that most of them only speak Spanish helps my Spanish become a little less broken.

And I've been playing the piano, 4 hours a day, 9 hours a day, one time even 11 hours in one day, to support our high school musical, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, which turned our absolutely outstanding! However, had I but known what I was getting myself into, I never would have agreed to it. :) I don't think my kids have ever been so neglected by their mother, but thanks be to goodness that I have a wonderful babysitter who became their mom during this 5-week period. The memories that were created during the production are moments that will stay with me for the rest of my life, I'm sure, and I owe it to the support of my babysitter and my husband. Thank you, Husband. :)

So reader, who sent me a kick in the pants via email today... thank you. Perhaps your letter will be the turning point at which I can begin blogging again. Or maybe not. We'll see. Either way, thank you all for your care and concern. It really has meant the world to me. And now, because I love using visual aids in my writing, here are some pictures I've taken recently, just to show you the kind of work I've been doing. I'd love to know what you think. Thank you for listening. :)

Baby Hippo, jumping on his Uncle's trampoline during a family BBQ...

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 A point guard for the Durazneros, our local pro basketball team...

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The 17-year-old girl, during a chorus concert...
 
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My nephew, shooting a free throw...

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 The newborn baby of a dear friend, in one of my favorite Etsy newborn photo-shoot outfits...
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32 comments:

Mark and Amy said...

Thank you for updating! I certainly understand the intentions of blogging, but not getting to the follow through. Sometimes we just need to let go of the life we have planned in order to live the life that is waiting for us.

Emily Heizer Photography said...

My dear friend. I am so glad to see you.

I have not bothered you because I knew (the way one hurting soul feels another) you needed time and space and were working on things or healing, or processing your life. I knew that. I knew you needed just... time.

I knew you would come back when you are ready, and I know you know it too and I hope you will!

I have big things going on on my personal blog, which I think you and I have exchanged a few emails about in the past. I had to make it private in the last week because bigger things have been happening, but if you read this, and would like to, drop me an email and I'll send you an invite so I can catch you up on my situation. It's been pretty scary and sad.

I am praying for you, and I hope you will pray for me too.

We love you Jen. And I don't need closure. Because this thang ain't over.

chibbylick said...

I've missed you!
I hope things settle just the way you would like them to, and soon.
xo

lindakredd said...

Thank you,and I have missed you too. Please tell your husband that we are expecting 3 grandchildren and our youngest returns home from his mission, all in the next 5 weeks. We are grateful for these blessings.

green said...

Bless you in all that you do

Sisam said...

I'll keep checking back and hope that all is well.

Jenny said...

Excited to see a new post from you pop up on my blogroll today :D Welcome back!

Stephanie said...

I am one of those people who faithfully read, but rarely commented. We do care. So, happy to see a blog post!

Mama Rachel said...

It's great to hear from you!

Hugs,
Rachel

C said...

Your photography is stunning!

You are right and doing the right thing... You can't blog well without feeling it. And we all know you do well at whatever you do!

I miss you and your writing. I am so glad we could talk a few weeks ago. Hugs and love to you. I hope you have all the support and love you need!

-C

Anonymous said...

So good to hear from you again. Thank you.

--Mari

health momma said...

Just a thought: Trust in the process of life Know that everything is working out for your highest good. I learned this many years ago from reading Louise Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life” and it works. Pay attention to how you feel when you think and say these words to yourself. Affirm that all is well.

Blessings...

Sarah said...

I am so glad to hear you are still there and though it sounds like there are some difficult/confusing times, it looks like there are some really nice moments as well.

I hope that things calm down and you are ready to "come back" soon! I really appreciate your "voice" and perspective in my life.

chellleigh said...

Thank you for the update, but it was not needed. I knew you would be back when you are ready..I always feel priviledged that you allow us a glimpse into your world. Wish you and your family all the best, chellleigh

The Farmer's Wife said...

Hi Jen;)
I think everyone has to figure out why they blog...if they do;)...for me, when I decided that it was for my family...blogging changed for me. It isn't about anyone else...or why I think they may want to hear...it is about my family and capturing our life now. I know you started blogging to help Connor...but maybe your reasons have changed...just a thought;) I sure love ya! I wish I got to see you more;)....if there is anything I can do for you...consider it done;) and by the way...your pictures are wonderful!

Olga said...

I love all the many things you blog about. I know you are also a very busy woman, so I understand needing to take a brake. I do love all your ideas and how you run your house hold. I have gotten many ideas from you. So when you do come back. I will still be a reader of yours because you have so many great ideas.

Anonymous said...

I've read your blog for a few years, never commented. I really enjoyed seeing an new post from you today. though we have almost nothing in common i feel connected to you and your story and i enjoy catching up with the happenings of your family. i hope you are well and i hope you feel led to write again soon, i miss your posts.
Warmly,
A Reader in Colorado

Amanda B. said...

Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. I am the same way- a lot of my feelings come out in writing but yet if I feel I can't talk about it then I don't write.

Life is full of seasons- good and bad of course. Everything in our life will also have seasons- good and bad. Blogging is one of those. I don't write like I used to but try to keep it up just to have a record of what we are up to- but I hope another good writing season will come. I also hope that this down season you are struggling through will be resolved for you soon.

Expat Mom said...

I had been checking once in a while, but had mostly given up . . . just popped in to grab the URL for a post I was writing and surprise, new post! I do miss your writing, but understand that you have other things going on. And thank you for the closure.

Luvmy9 said...

Your pictures are wonderful. You are too. I wish I could hear K sing. She's beautiful. Saw John the other day at Sam's and then at church. Did he tell you? I'm sorry to hear you were sick. I wish we could talk and I hope everything is going very well. Please email when you get a moment. Love you.

Trisha said...

I too have been wondering where you were. I don't have time to check as often as I used to, but was happy to see something today. Hope all is well. Thank you for the great support you are to our community. How did we ever do it before you came to town? When does your missionary come home? It's got to be the near future. Love ya.....

Anonymous said...

you were missed:-)

Melinda said...

I have been away too so I didn't even realize you hadn't been blogging. I have learned so much and gained strength from your posts. Thank YOU!

Love Ya!

Melinda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Bless your heart. I hope that whatever you are going through resolves quickly and as the lord would have it.

Danna

trooppetrie said...

you are a blessing and when you blog we are blessed. But you are first a wife and a mother. As a wife and mother I so understand that.
Glad you updated but completly understand

Anonymous said...

nice posting.. thanks for sharing.

Krystle said...

I have several blogs that have stopped posting for one reason or another. Life has its season as someone above put and I check back every so often. I love your photos and you have given great information. I hope you do come back but take care of your business. We understand. Prayers for whatever is going on in your life.

Eileen Ward said...

I had the same problem....I couldn't write from the heart and say what needed to be said, so I stopped writing. I haven't blogged much these last couple of months either and for me it's felt like a piece of me is missing.
There was something that made me stop. Someone didn't like something that I wrote about them (even though the post had absolutely nothing to do with them) and then every...single...time I considered writing something with other people in it, I stopped. I really stopped caring though. What I write is cathartic for me. I write it from my point of view. What makes humanity what it is IS our differing points of view.
I pray that you find comfort, a cool breathe of air and some time for updates. You are a wonderful writer, and even though I've never met you, you feel like a friend.

Anonymous said...

I'm another of your faithful "no comment" readers. I've loved reading your blog for the last couple of years. Some days your posts brought tears to my eyes and other days they made me laugh out loud. You are a gifted writer! I will miss your posts if you give up. Healing prayers for you ♥

Anonymous said...

So good to hear from you. May the path ahead be gentle to you.

Breezi@ Not Your Average Fairytale said...

It's been a while since I've clicked onto your blog. I have thought about you a lot. Strange how you can think of someone you've never met but feel you know through blogging (and of course Kristin was my dear friend when she was in Columbus, so I feel I know you through her)

I'm glad you started blogging again. You and your family look amazing, as always.

Can't wait to see what else you've got up your sleeves. <3