I recently read the first chapter in a book called 30 Days to Taming Your Tongue
...and due to that and other recent events in my life, I have decided to go for a week without criticizing or complaining. I know, it says 30 days, but I have only read the first chapter, so I don't really know what's involved, and I honestly don't know if I can go 30 days without criticizing or complaining. So... a week it is. Plus, it will be even more of a challenge because I'll be on vacation, which will give me much more to complain about because I will be on vacation with all ten of my kids. Wait, was that a complaint? Anyways.....
So this is my challenge. How do you teach kids to change their behavior without criticizing? If you say, "15-year-old girl, it's better to acknowledge me when I ask you to do that dishes rather than ignore me and continue to chat with your guy friend on the computer". Is that a criticism?
How about if you say, "Stop yelliing, or stop fighting, or stop walking around the house naked without having wiped your bottom or stop wrapping your brother in duct tape". Are those criticisms?
What if you say, "14-year-old boy, I would like to see you focus on your studies a little more, that way you won't fail two periods this year."
Maybe I should just read the book, 'cause I need some help. A little help? Help in the comments.
Thanks for listening.
Today on some of my other blogs...
-365 Days of TV-Free Toddler Time: Monster Time
-life in mexico {and other places} a picture a day: {nauvoo temple}
PSSST! To find great deals on fun stuff to do in your area, go HERE!
12 comments:
uh oh. Are you going to make me go on a tongue fast too? Nuts, I think I was complaining. What about whining? Can I whine? I say just remember, you never have to apologize for kind words and no words..... However, I think all bets are off when it's the offspring. You HAVE to guide them. it's guiding, not critizing....
i agree w/kelli. the things you mentioned in your post are definite ways to guide your kids into being good humans. none of it sounded like criticism.
I agree with Kelli and SMC - you are guiding and giving directions. Criticizing might sound like this:
!4-year-old boy: If you are going to continue your lazy ways, you're never going to graduate high school, you will never amount to anything, and you will spend the remainder of your life digging ditches.
4-year old boy: If you do that again, I will wrap YOU up in duct tape and see how YOU like it!
15-year-old girl: I'm sick of you acting like you're deaf and if you ignore me again, I will slap you up the side of the head and then you really will be deaf!
See the difference?
Love, Mom
Kelli, Oh how I remember those apologies you had to make. Just how many batches of sorry cookies did you have to make? I remember one particular incident outside of Tracie's house with a pair of missionaries. Ah, good times!
Mother, it wasn't the 4-year-old boy who was wrapping someone in duct tape, it was the 10-year-old boy wrapping the 4-year-old boy in duct tape. But maybe I should try that threat on him.
As I see it, you are already a saint!
Hahaha.
WOW I may need to try this....LOL
lol How did you end up with 10 kids and not learn about positive reinforcement and redirection!? You can do this Jen!
Instead of basically... anything you said... you say...
15 year old girl? (Tap, tap)Did you hear me when I asked you about the dishes? Oh, ok. Could you let me know you heard me when I ask you to do something because otherwise I don't know if you did. Thanks hon. 1 more minute to say goodbye and then dishes.
Hey naked children, I'm so glad you're having fun, but unless you're all getting in the tub right now the rules are we wear clothes, right? Who thinks poopie counts as clothes? Ok, mommy's vote counts as 50 so how about you guys go clean that up?
I don't think your examples are so much criticisms... I think a criticism would be more like, you are wrapping your brother up in tape all wrong.
You know what Jen, I think you are going just fine. You don't need any adjustments whatsoever. Ignore me. I am dumb. You are fabulous.
I don't think you have ever seen my personal blog but I am having some big personal problems right now, and I have started trying to reach out to some people I trust in the blogging community for help... I'm not a member but I tried to contact my bishop to get a referal for counseling, but when I told him it was too expensive he said he couldn't help me, so I am really stuck as to what to do right now. Here is the link to my blog: http://www.adventuresinemilyland.blogspot.com and if you look on the right hand side where it says "About Me" there is a link to the first post when everything happened and you can get caught up.
I need this book! This is my greatest challenge too. I will follow your progress on this too and learn from you! (and pray for you too!)
I'm just glad a tongue fast is no criticizing and not no . . . you know . . . tongue action. Cause that would stink. And I can't think of one good reason to do it.
Yeah, Andrea, that WOULD stink. And I thought of mentioning that, but I wasn't brave enough because people from my church read my blog. However, it's not like they don't know I do that because I do, in actuality, have ten kids.
My Grandmother was a wonderful woman and her view on what someone should say or do went like this: "Never say or do anything you wouldn't want the world to see you doing or hear you saying and every morning when you look in the mirror be proud of the person you see there." She raised 9 kids and one grandkid and was always an enjoyer of like. BUT, she didn't expect perfection of herself because that leads to failure and depression over the failure. Only one person was perfect and he died on the cross. All of this is a long way to say, don't be so hard on yourself. Allow yourself to be human. And, if you go a little nuts now and then, apologize. That will teach your kids how important that simple act is in life.
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