My Spooky Internet Stalker (Too Early For Halloween)

Two days ago, I got an email from myself. Yes, myself. When I hit reply, it would go back to my own email address. It was entitled "Greetings" and this is what it said...

"Jennifer,

I just figured out how to use the internet. I look forward to communicating with you in this manner.

Love,
Your inner child"

My first thought was, "Okay spooky, but this is a mass prank virus and I had better delete it immediately." Hopefully it wasn't too late.

Later on in the day, I got a second email entitled "good work". It said...

"Jennifer,

Nice missionary work lately. All children love spreading the Gospel.

Love,
Your inner child"

Okay, now I was getting a little freaked out. I had been on a forum called The Blog Frog for the previous two days having conversations about Mormonism with other Christians. At one point, a gentleman got upset at my beliefs and said I was "such a liar". There were a couple of other people in the forum who didn't seem to like my beliefs much either, and I thought that perhaps one of them had decided to give me a little scare and that if I did nothing (because what could I really do?), they would stop eventually.

The third email was entitled "Dinner", came at dinner time and said...

"Jennifer,

I love it when you use your hands to mix the food that you are preparing for dinner. It is so primal. All children love to get dirty that way.

Love,
Your inner child"

This one disturbed me quite a bit. It seemed almost sexual, in a way, and very personal, and I did not like it, no, not one little bit (I've been reading too much Dr. Seuss lately.) The 14-year-old girl had come home from school by this time and as I shared each email with her, she began getting a little "freaked out" herself.

The fourth and final email was what really got to me. It was entitled "Tonight" and said...

"Jennifer,

I would love it if you took a nice hot bath tonight after you put Johnny and the twins to bed.

Love,
Your inner child"

When I read this, I felt all the blood drain out of my face and into the pit of my stomach. As most of you know, I try to be careful not to mention my kids' names on my blog (except for in this post, apparently), but when I first started blogging, I did use their real names on occasion. I thought, "This person is going through my blog archives and totally blog stalking me and really trying to spook me out and it's working!" I showed this last email to the 14-year-old girl and she kept repeating, "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" and "I'm freaking out!" and "Mom, what are we going to do? We have to do something! Shouldn't this be illegal? Can we call someone?"

I tried to calm her down and told her that they couldnt' find out where we live, and even if they did, Mexico is too far away.

So, because I had deleted all of the previous messages from my inner child, I decided to go back to my "trash" box and take a look to see if I could gather any more clues about what was happening. While there, I came across a message from my inner child I hadn't seen before. It was entitled "Call Your Sister" and said...

"Hello Jennifer,

Call your favorite sister - Robyn.

Good bye for now,
Your inner child"

"Ah-HAAAA!" I yelled, calling for the 14-year-old girl to come hither. I pointed at my computer screen and said, "Look! It's aunt Robyn! She's the one who's been doing this!"

I immediately called my sister and asked if she was my inner child. She burst out laughing and I said, "I KNEW it! How did you figure out some hacking program that allows you to send emails from someone's own email address?"

"I didn't hack, you idiot," she answered. "You left your google account open on my laptop when we were visiting Mom two weeks ago, and I thought I'd have some fun with it." She continued laughing and so did I, for a long, long time. On a side note, she had informed the 17-year-old boy of her evil prank via Facebook, and as the 14-year-old girl and I had wrung our hands in concern wondering what to do, he had quietly made himself a peanut butter sandwich without saying a word. Thanks, Robyn! (Shown in the middle below. Just look at that smile. Does it not have mischevous written all over it?)



At the end of or phone conversation, I asked if she would please sign out of my email account so she wouldn't be tempted above that which she could bear to play another prank on me. She agreed she would, but not before sending one last email from my inner child, entitled "Good bye"...

"Jennifer,

I'm sad that we can no longer communicate by email, but I understand. Don't forget about me.

Love,
Your inner child"

Don't worry, Inner Child. I will never forget about you.

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