How to speak really nicely to your children...

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It’s true confession time. I used to have a problem. I cursed. It wasn’t anything worse than The Bible’s name for a donkey or a place where sinners go, but I didn’t use these words just when I got hurt or mad. I used them in everyday, friendly conversation. One day my eyes were opened when a 16-year-old babysitter said to me, “You know, Sister C., you really shouldn’t talk like that.” Wow. I knew I had to stop, but it was a habit ingrained in my mind since birth. I came from a long line of casual cussers and I knew it wouldn’t be an easy road. So I came up with a plan. I told my kids that every time they heard me cuss, I would pay them one of these...


This plan worked wonders, as I quickly grew weary of digging in my purse for change or one dollar bills to pay them. I stopped cursing, except for the times when I was really angry, and at these times, the kids learned that it was best to wait a period of time before asking me for the dollar. Smart kids. I think the last time I used a really bad word, one you WON'T find in The Bible, was when a crazed lunatic with long dreadlocks jumped out from the shoulder of the freeway right in front of my van. Fortunately I was able to swerve out of the way and not send him to his eternal rest, but the words that came out of my mouth were words for which I’ve since repented and can only hope have been wiped clean from off the slate of my life history.

Now, onto my next problem. I yell at my kids. Try as I may to speak kindly to them, there is always a breaking point, usually at least once a day, in which I lose my cool and raise my voice. I’ve tried prayer, counting to ten, leaving the room, eating ice cream, but nothing works. I know I yell LESS than I used to when I was a younger mom, but I still do it and I want it to stop. After all, I am raising the parents of my grandkids and do I want THEM to be yelled at? Of course not! So, this morning as I was praying in the shower, (yes, I get on my knees on the porcelain as it’s my only private time all day) I came up with another plan. I’ve told my kids that whenever I yell at them, they will be entitled to receive one of these cards…


(Thanks for the clever poem, Mom!)

The next time I ask them to do a chore (and if you know me, that is often!), they can present me with their card and I have to do the chore for them. I can’t think of a better motivator to get me into gear than this. When I spoke with my grown daughter about this, she said, “Oh Mom, I think your household is going to collapse.” She knows how much the kids help me and, perhaps, how much I raise my voice and she knows I am going to pay. We shall see, Bethany. We shall see.

Now, some things to think about. If you chose to use this method, you need to clarify to your children what a “yell” actually is. When you are yelling across the yard to call everyone in for dinner, that would not be considered a yell. When you are raising your voice to be heard over two crying twins, one screaming toddler, the piano, the Play Station 2, the wheat grinder and the phone ringing, all at the same time, that would not be considered a yell. When a number ten can of wheat drops from a high cabinet onto your bare toe and you yell about it, THAT would certainly not be considered a yell.

One last problem you may want to consider when using this method is that your children could potentially purposefully try to act in such a way as to get you to yell so as to earn a card. You must be constantly vigilant of this possibility and make sure to have prepared an alternative method of dealing with your children, aside from yelling, should this occur. (More on alternative methods in a future post.)

If you like my graphic and want to use it for your own purposes, you can have it! Just right click on it and save it to a file. I honestly don’t know if it’s the right size for business cards, so I was just going to print it out on card stock and cut each card individually. If you try this, please let us know how it goes! Good luck!

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